Marc was a bright and curious boy who loved swimming in the sunny creek near his home. His parents often warned him, “Be careful of the crocodiles, Marc! They may look harmless, but they can sneak up on you.”
Marc didn’t see any crocodiles at first, so he didn’t worry much about the warning. But one day, while splashing in the creek, Marc encountered his first crocodile. It was small—a disagreement with a friend over whose turn it was with the bucket. He felt a pang of frustration and sadness, but he quickly brushed it off, pretending it didn’t bother him.
By the next day, though, that little crocodile had grown. What started as a tiny disagreement became a full-blown argument, leaving Marc feeling hurt and angry. The crocodile thrashed around in his heart, but Marc didn’t know what to do about it. His parents didn’t notice, and when he tried to talk about it, they told him, “Don’t let it bother you. Just forget about it.”
So Marc tried. He shoved the feelings down, pretending the crocodile didn’t exist. But the more he ignored it, the bigger and scarier the crocodile became.
The Growing Swarm of Crocodiles
As Marc got older, more crocodiles appeared. Troubles with schoolwork, fights with siblings, worries about not being good enough—all of them swirled around him. Each time, Marc’s parents told him the same thing: “Just move on. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
Marc tried his best to push the feelings away, but the crocodiles never really left. Instead, they stayed hidden, growing in the background. Sometimes, Marc felt a snap of anger or a pang of sadness and didn’t understand why. The crocodiles would surface in unexpected ways, like when he got overly upset about a small mistake or withdrew from his friends because he felt like they didn’t care about him.
He didn’t realize it, but the ignored crocodiles had started shaping how he saw himself and the world. He felt insecure and doubted himself, always wondering if he was doing enough or if people truly liked him.
Why Ignoring Crocodiles Doesn’t Work
Marc’s story is a familiar one. Many of us grow up learning maladaptive coping from our environment, being told to ignore or push away difficult emotions because we did not know how else to manage them alone. But just like Marc’s crocodiles, unacknowledged feelings don’t disappear—they hide and grow stronger. Over time, they can show up as:
- Insecurity: Doubting your worth or constantly seeking validation.
- Anxiety: Feeling overwhelmed by situations that bring up old, unresolved emotions.
- Difficulty in Relationships: Struggling to trust others or express your needs.
When we don’t learn how to deal with our emotions, we often carry those unresolved feelings into adulthood. They can shape how we react to challenges, how we connect with others, and even how we see ourselves.
How to Face the Crocodiles
The good news is that it’s never too late to learn how to deal with emotions. Instead of ignoring the crocodiles, we can face them with compassion and curiosity. Here’s how:
1. Recognize the Crocodiles
The first step is to notice when a crocodile is present. This might be a feeling of anger, sadness, fear, or frustration. Instead of brushing it aside, take a moment to name it:
- “I feel hurt because my friend didn’t invite me.”
- “I feel scared about this big project at work.”
Acknowledging the emotion helps reduce its power and makes it easier to work through.
2. Create Space for the Feelings
Instead of trying to push the emotion away, let yourself feel it. Sit with the discomfort for a moment without judgment. Ask yourself:
- What is this feeling trying to tell me?
- Is there a need or value underneath this emotion (e.g., the need for connection, the value of doing your best)?
3. Practice Self-Compassion
When a crocodile feels overwhelming, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way. Difficult emotions are a normal part of being human. Treat yourself with kindness, as you would a friend.
- “It’s okay to feel upset. This is hard, but I’ll get through it.”
4. Take Small Actions
Once you’ve acknowledged and understood the emotion, think about what you can do to address it. This might mean:
- Apologizing to a friend after an argument.
- Setting a boundary with someone who hurt you.
- Asking for help with a stressful task.
Facing crocodiles doesn’t mean solving everything at once—it’s about taking small, meaningful steps.
Rewriting the Story
As Marc grew older, he started to notice how the crocodiles were affecting him. With the help of a mentor, he learned to face his emotions instead of ignoring them. At first, it was scary to acknowledge the crocodiles. But as he practiced, he discovered that they weren’t as terrifying as they seemed.
Marc learned to name his feelings, express them to trusted people, and take steps to resolve his challenges. The crocodiles didn’t go away completely, but they no longer controlled his life.
Marc’s story reminds us that avoiding our emotions only makes them more powerful. By facing them with curiosity and compassion, we can tame even the fiercest crocodiles—Marc created a safe space where crocodiles no longer lurked in the shadows. Instead, they became opportunities for growth, connection, and resilience.